Age differences in dating for LDS singles

First, we’re not talking about any dating of ages of youngin’s on here.  Or anything having to do with younger people who may not be fully up to making such adult decisions yet.  And we’re also not talking about exploitation of such.  We’re talking about say…a 30 year old dating a 50 year old.  Or something along those lines.

LDS theology follows that the truth has been restored.  The answer of life the universe and everything is being revealed through modern day prophets.  Why just the other week in priesthood meeting, the teacher even revealed that such an answer was in fact “42.”  True, the teacher was me, but he did recite scripture from the First Book of Douglas Adams about it, so it must be legit.

One of the topics in the world is the May-December or the December-May relationships that occur in our culture. In the 21st century, this may not be as common of a phenomenon as it was in say, the 19th century, but it’s still a great topic for discussion.

Hollywood gives multiple examples:

  • Jeff Goldblum (62 ) and Emilie Livingston (31)
  • Ellen Barkin (57) and Sam Levinson (26)
  • Kelsey Grammar (up there) and everybody (down there)

There’s more, Michael Douglas, Al Pacino, Cher, the list goes on.

But what about within the LDS culture in which the view on marriage trandscends this world.  The concept that we lived as spirits before coming here to this Earth and continuing on to live resurrected and even married together after death? Is there something in the bishop’s handbook on that?  A conference talk?  A primary lesson?  What’s the magic number?  (other than 42)  Is it really half-your-age-plus-7? That would include Scarlett Johansson for me.

What will the neighbors think?

Some months ago, a friend was visiting. Yes, a lady friend, and an adult.  But, no, not that kind of lady friend.  But she’s also young, like younger than Scarlet Johansson…er…half my age.  We were joking around about what if she came to church with me and kinda hung on my arm, sat close in sacrament meeting, grabbed my hand, the whole scene, right?  Oh, I love my ward dearly, they’re a wonderful bunch.  But no doubt that night in the hundred plus households there’d be a discussion on what’s-he-doing-with-that-younger-lady.  I’d get needled by the FFB’s (fun friendly bretheren) in the ward for…well…probably months.


If it’s all eternal anyway, what’s the deal with the age thing?

Personally, I do have an aversion to dating too far off my age range.  Though I’ve dated a number of years younger (11ish difference in years) and a number of years older (8), those numbers haven’t bothered me at my…well…advancing (ahem) age.  But still, the idea of dating someone half my age or dating a lady a dozen years older, pushes my social sensibilities.  Whether this comes from growing up in our society and going with the flow or from somewhere else, I do share this idea.  But why?

Aren’t we all the same age in the next life…kinda?  Is age in this life “just a number?”

And we do have age-defined activities from young-single-adults, single-adults, mid-singles.  So there’s some sort of thought going in there somewhere.  Perhaps the age is not “just a number.”

And what about the gender differences on ages?

  • Males prefer younger, same age, or slightly older
  • Females prefer slightly…well..same age, or older
  • Surveys say that 75% of couples in the US are the same age (33%) or the husband is slightly older.

Common goals at the time

One thing I’ve noticed is that I relate easier to people that are in some of the same phases as me in life.  Raising children of roughly similar ages seems to be a big part of it, which makes sense as raising children is a…well…big part.

At one time, I didn’t have any children.  Another time, I had diapers around the house ready to be used at a moment’s notice.  Now the kids have their noses in their smartphones all day long.  Going back a phase or two sounds….odd…to me.  But it’s done.  Remember Michael Douglas?  He’s way (way) older than me, yet his youngest is younger than my youngest.

Back to eternal again

But take the single adults and midsingles thing.  Many times these are people that have older children and aren’t going back to a diaper phase (other than…heh…later in life. Sure, we laugh now!).  But still, the concept of dating within some age range of oneself is there, just not exactly written down.

I’m still not certain on the concept of how choosing in this lifetime roughly around one’s age is the way to go in the eyes of the Lord.  Then again, it’s not a burning question that I’m faced with as the lady I’ve seen most recently has a whopping difference from my age of 15…months!  15 months!  Not years.

(yeah, she totally doesn’t know she was mentioned in a post, so keep that under your hat. Plus she writes gooder better than me and I’d end up in her writings doing who knows what)


Could it be that the wide differences may make for different phases of life and the two people simply wouldn’t relate to each other that well?  Does it make for higher odds that one person may pass away much earlier than the other making for decades of the surviving spouse looking to remarry (bringing up possible sealing questions)?

Is it just easier to stick to the semi-near age groups?

And contrary to popular reports, if a mid-single shows up at a YSA activity flashing a printout of my article, it does not (repeat, does not) automatically get you into the activity.