Online Profiles – what to write (Part 3)

This is part 3 in online dating profiles.  Part 1 (Photo Don’t’s) and Part 2 (Photo Do’s) spend time on the visuals.  For part 3, we’ll focus on the writing of the profile.  But “visual” is still the key component.


The goal of your profile is not to provide information.  Logically providing information is boorrrrring and doesn’t stand you out from a crowd of the 40-100 profiles that she’s looked at.  And the lady may not even realize it either as many times they ask a logical question such as “Do you like to go out to eat?”. The logical answer is “yes” but that’s boring and immediately forgetful.  For an answer to that question, read further.

The goal here is to:

  • Be memorable
    • We are memorable when we evoke an emotion

Emotion = Attention = Relation

Steps to writing the profile 

  • Write it first in a Word Processor
  • Write enough to make it interesting
  • Don’t write too much (Ha!)
  • Don’t logically answer who you are – show who you are
  • Show some emotion
  • Don’t write your “List”

Write it first in a Word Processor

Whether you use Microsoft Word or Google Docs to write your first draft, do it there first.  This will give you:

  • Best spell-checking
  • Grammar-check (some help)
  • Word count
  • Print it and read it aloud on paper, you’ll catch if you sound like a dufus this way

Write enough to make it interesting

Have you ever seen a lady’s profile where she wrote about a half-sentence and even then it didn’t tell you anything?  Did you click right on to the next profile?

Ladies can be bombarded with a lot of profiles when they go online (if they’re writing their own effective profile).  Sometimes they can get 40, or even 100 profiles waiting to be looked at, and it’s a lot.  All the guys look the same.  They all have bad manners, bad grammar, bad photos, and worse.  So stand out from the crowd!

Your target length is about 97 words total.

Don’t write too much
(on your online profiles, but if you get your own blog, go crazy…heh)

Studies show that smart people write a lot about themselves.  This tells you too things.  If you’ve written too much, then congratulations, you’re officially smart!  Second, if you’re looking at a ladies profile and she has a lot of writing on it, then you know something about her intelligence level.

Again, your target word count is around 97 words total.  If you do 150, no problem.  Just don’t go all multiple hundreds of words.

Don’t logically answer who you are – show who you are

99% of everybody are writing things such as

“My friends say I’m a family person”
(‘My friends say’ is so overused it doesn’t do anything for you)

“I like to laugh”
(um, who doesn’t? Do you like puppies and ice cream too?)
(Don’t forget ‘I like to travel’…as nearly everybody does)

“I like the theater”
(Let me just file that logical piece of information away)

“I like to go out to eat”
(It’s not that it’s a negative, it’s just a ‘nothing’ phrase that doesn’t do anything for you)

I’m falling asleep already! And the lady has already clicked to the next profile and forgotten you.

Instead, don’t talk about you, show it!

“I find most days being with my children is the highlight for me.  Especially waking them each morning for school, it’s a time in their life I’ll miss later, but enjoy now.”

“I recently got to see Gabriel Iglesias in concert; I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time!  I look forward to finding the next funny (and clean) comedian.”

“I had never seen Tchaikovsky performed live until earlier this year I was able to attend the symphony.  Dressing up full-on-black-tie-tuxedo helped make for a fun evening, but when the violins hit, they hit hard and sent chills through me!”

“I tried this new Italian restaurant in town and I have to say, the Chicken Parmesan was so good, they’ll be singing songs around the campfire about it for generations!”

Yes, these are using up your words, but using them wisely.  Plus you’re not trying to tell your entire life in the profile, you’re trying to evoke an emotion based upon some of your experiences.  Just some.  The examples above already show some emotional-trigger words to include.

You want to be remembered.
You want to be approachable.
You want to be real.

This is done by these tools:

Show some emotion.
Paint a picture.

Emotion = Attention = Relation

Don’t write your “List”

Again, your list is your Good List or your Bad List.
But it’s nothing-words.  Logical words. It’s not positive emotions.
Don’t waste your 97 words on a nothing-list.

Bad example of a list:

I’m looking for an honest (been cheated on before) person that won’t play games (I played games, but blamed it on them), that isn’t afraid of responsibility (I tried to push the relationship before we were both ready) and has their act together (Ex gambled paycheck away).

Dump the listing

If you want to date a bean-counter-referee that keeps score on a list, sure.  But if you’re looking to build relationships with people that align with you, use the dating process to learn about each other. Discover each other.

Instead, don’t even bother with the list at all.  Just show who you are and you be your own filter as to whom you wish to be with or not. Besides, if you put on your list that you do not want to date a serial bankrobber, do you think a serial bankrobber is going to say, “oh well, I guess I’m not their type?” No! They’re going to make their own decision about you.

Just as you should make your own decision about them.