I don’t have time for this.
I don’t have time for that.
Yet we all have the same amount of time.
We all have 86,400 seconds in a day
The 99%
99% of us have filled our day. Even before we start our day, it may be all filled up on. If something comes up, we’re juggling tasks, dropping tasks, shuffling them around, trying to speed them up. Many of us feel overworked, overwhelmed, rushed, and have a list of tasks, goals, and other things that is simply longer than the 86,400 seconds we have for today.
And probably tomorrow, and the next day.
We’re busy.
(but are we…productive…but that’s simply another article, let’s stay on…task…here)
Sometimes I’ll plan something I want on the calendar for some day and as the day gets closer I’ll have to fight to keep that original goal. Even some of the alternative things that try to push my goal can be some really good and worthwhile things. And other times, there are things I prioritize higher and the original calendar appointment gets moved off.
Okay. Time circuit’s on.
Flux capacitor, fluxing.
Engine running. All right.
[the engine stops suddenly]
The 1%
Probably less than 1%, but these people don’t seem busy. If you talk to them, they say they have nothing to do. They have extra time.
The reality is that they are filling their 86,400 seconds too. Maybe they’re simply sitting on the couch staring at the wall. It may not be what we think is productive, but they are doing something and they are busy doing it.
100% of us
We covered the 99%
We covered the 1%
We’re good to continue
A friend told me once:
“People make efforts happen on the things they prioritize.”
No matter how busy a person is, if they don’t prioritize something, they won’t do that something, and that something won’t happen.
Relationships
My friend made the above quote in regard to relationships. She was talking about a guy she liked, but he would cancel plans on her a time or two.
Cancelling, sure, for a good reason, it happens to all of us. Our child is sick, our grandma dropped acid, freaked out, and hijacked a school bus full of…penguins.
A good reason happens once, twice, or so. But if the person you’re attempting to have a relationship with has a pattern of not having you a priority then guess what…you’re not a priority.
Good reason
The reason doesn’t matter. As humans, we do like to give a reason to people, especially people we care about. It’s a kind thought. But the bottom line is the reason itself is not the issue. If a person cancels on you because of…anything (washing their hair or saving New York City from alien attack). The important part is that the person has a reason that they prioritize. And if it’s important to them, then hopefully they will follow through with what they feel is important.
And if that person is important to us, then the reason doesn’t matter. The thing that matters is that this person has something they care about, and that’s reason enough for us.
Sidenote on canceling
If you’re the one that cancels on someone else and you still want to spend time with them, a top tip is to then proactively follow up with another time that you may spend time together.
But canceling and then just leaving it hanging, whether you’re trying to send a message or not, it can be construed as a message that you don’t want to see them anymore. Which would be an immature way of communicating.
Judging the levers we might pull
If the person disses us over time where it’s become a pattern, then we have some judging that we will end up doing. Judging them? No, of course not. We say we judge (or not judge) people, but that’s not the case.
What we are doing is judging our own decisions and paths of where we are compared with where we want to be. Do we want to be with someone that treats us that way?
Paraphrasing Captain Jack Sparrow, “Can you sail under the these conditions? Or can you not?”
- Accept it as is – then shut up and say this is the relationship.
- Not accept it – end that type of relationship (or change the relationship to something else)
- Communicate as an intermediate step – voice your concerns and after discussion, you’re back to see if the conditions changed or not…in which case you’re back to accept/not-accept options.
Does this person have relationship equity with you?
One friend I’ve known for 20 years. If they cancelled plans on me, no big deal, we’ll pick it up again. If they cancelled again, still, I’ve got 20 years experience in the bank assuring me we’ll make it through this.
Interestingly enough, just meeting somebody, if they cancel on me for plans we have, I don’t feel as lenient. Sure, give them a 2nd chance, but suppose they cancel on me 4 times, then maybe I might rethink my own choices in this new-budding relationship.
I just find that interesting that I’m not as lenient with a new relationship compared with one with which I have a long history.
LdsContemplations 