Lessons from the Bird in the Tree

selfBe yourself …they say
Do your thing …they say
Put your best foot forward …they say
Let your light shine …they say
Don’t worry about the naysayers …they say

The world needs that special gift that only you have …they…
…well, ok, Marie Forleo says that

Yes, “they” say a lot.

Sometimes encouraging words can help lift us to push forward.But sometimes detracting words can help to deflate our drive.

Doing Your Own Thing

When you start doing your own thing, people will have their opinions of what you’re doing. One way to not let the naysayers get you down is to become detached from the effects of people’s opinions. It doesn’t mean give up and don’t talk to anybody and be a hermit. Just change your default reaction to other people’s comments. If bad comments come your way?  Be detached from them.

But also…
If good comments come your way – Also be detached as the default.

After recognizing good comments, sure, you can soak them in after the fact, but still keep a detachment.

Why?

Because the core reason for doing your own thing is you.
Not what other people think.
Not to get good comments.
You.
To make yourself better.
To improve.
To make the world around you a better place.

So yes, even if a good comment comes your way, sure, enjoy it, soak it in some.  But be detached just enough so that your reason for motivation is inside you and don’t be dependent upon what other people think.

The Bird in the Tree

An analogy paraphrased from Elliot Hulse.

So early one morning, the sun is rising and way up in the tree, a tiny bird is just singing its little bird heart out.  Chirping it’s melody that anybody can hear.

A person passing by hears the bird singing.  This person really likes the bird’s song.  And the person exclaims,

“Oh bird, thank you so much for your melody, I just love your chirping bird-voice and the song that you sing!  Your singing has truly made my day!”

[Sidenote:  So we’re not in a Disney movie where birds talk or anything, this is reality.  Go out one morning, find a bird that’s singing a beautiful song, and tell the bird what you think of the song, then come back here and report what the bird replied to you.]

So yeah, the bird…the bird doesn’t care that the person heard the song.  The bird doesn’t care that the person liked the song.  The bird doesn’t care that the person gave them wonderful compliments.  The bird doesn’t care how many “likes” they got like or how many Twitter followers they have. bird3

The bird is motivated from inside.
The bird is just doing what the bird does.
He’s a bird.
And he makes songs.

Then a second person walks along and hears the bird.  This person doesn’t like the bird’s song.  This person exclaims,

“Bird! I hate your song! You woke me up this morning! Why don’t you go sing and chirp somewhere else! I can’t stand your stupid bird-song that you sing over and over again!”

The bird doesn’t care.
The bird is detached enough from the comments of the world.
The bird is still motivated from the inside and sings its little bird-heart out just as much as before.
The bird isn’t affected by the person’s comments.

bird1Example of a Bird doing his thing despite
a couple of people objecting to what he is doing

Be the Bird

So as you go and do your thing.

Some people will like it.
Some people will hate it.
But you go and do your thing because it is your path.

Sure, we care about other people.
But our motivation, our drive, we do it because it’s inside of us.
And not what other people think.

bird2
A caring bird.
But not being affected by a grouch

Now go and do your thing.
And do it the best you can.
And sing your little-bird-heart out.

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How picky are you in finding a lady to date?

Can attraction be a conscious decision?  Can we, as human beings, simply decide that we like something?

Ice Cream

What’s your absolute favorite flavor of ice cream?  The one flavor that just rings a bell with you.  For my brother, he just loves strawberry ice cream.  Sure, there’s different versions of strawberry, but his favorite is Breyers Natural Strawberry.   Other members of the family like different flavors including chocolate, Rocky Road, vanilla, and even maple nut.  But my brother just loves the strawberry flavor ice cream.

Could I talk him into eating one of the other flavors? Even maple nut?  Sure, it can be done.  He doesn’t hate the other flavors, but they just don’t do much of anything for him.

How about, say, asparagus ice cream?
He hates asparagus, but it’s safe to say he’s never tried that type of ice cream.

Could I persuade him into at least trying the asparagus ice cream once?  Maybe toss in a little motivation?  $100 do the trick?  Or just out of a sense of adventure?  I think this would work.  With some conscious decision-making, he could decide to go through with it and try the asparagus ice cream.

asparagus_ice_cream
Yummy!

 

Taste Buds

But can I persuade him to like it?
Can he even persuade himself into thinking that his taste buds jump for joy with asparagus ice cream?

I submit that the answer to that is….no.

Sure, he might be able to force himself to eat it, even tolerate it.  But will the asparagus ice cream elicit the same response as the Breyers Natural Strawberry?  Will the asparagus flavor become a favorite?

Again, I say…no.

Attraction is Subconscious

Whether a person can verbalize their preferences or not, they will end up liking what they like.  They will gravitate toward that they find attractive. They will act on those things they find interesting.

Attraction is either there or it isn’t.
You can’t force it.
You can’t push it.
You can’t create it if it isn’t there.

This is why trying to impress a lady or trying to convince her on an intellectual level that you’re a good catch or a nice guy or trying to buy her with fancy dates and gifts does not work.  You might attract the proverbial gold digger, but they are attracted to the gift, not to you.

And such it is with men too.

Three Depths of Attraction

As we get to know people, we first physically see them.  Then most likely we will get to know them on an intellectual level.  And only as things progress along will we get a glimpse of them on a deeper spiritual level.

So from the shallow end of the pool to the deepest:

  • Physical
  • Intellectual
  • Spiritual

That’s the general timeline of how we learn about people, but the importance of it is in the reverse order, with spiritual being the deepest, followed by intellectual in the middle, and physical last.  Especially as physical changes over time in this lifetime.

Have you ever been on that first date with a really beautiful lady but the more she talks, the more you simply don’t want to be around her anymore?  Typically those first dates of talking are getting to know somebody on an intellectual level.  And either you’re intellectually attracted to them or not.

But make no mistake, all three are required to be there.
Physical attributes are not enough.

barbie

I don’t know why the swan-tiara-look
never took off as a fashion statement

Checklists, checklists, checklists!

We hear about the checklists.  Tiny or tall, brunette or blonde, certain body type, career in certain fields, and the list goes on.  This is a human trait of trying to understand the underlying ingredients to somehow shortcut the system and logically deduce whether we should love a person or not.  But saying that way just sounds silly.

Some of us may figure out through trial and error (and more error) a few of our preferences over time.  But even then, have you known people that say they seem to like one type, but then end up marrying someone that doesn’t seem to fit the type?  It’s just that person learning more about their inner self as they go along.

I say if you’re not 110% sure about your checklist, then perhaps don’t pre-filter ahead of time and enjoy meeting and learning about people.  Or as one friend put it, just find someone that doesn’t annoy the crap out of you and go from there.

If you’re being true to yourself, then you’re not being too picky.  Will we find people along the way that didn’t work out? Absolutely!  And in the mean time, try the maple nut ice cream, you may just be surprised.